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| I never thought I'd be writing here again.
For the past few months things have been content and calm in my life. I had growing success in my profession and I socially I grew closer to a few friends, with one in particular closer than others. I then learned quickly that once things are rosy that it must be too good to be true.
This one particular person whom I've held in such high regard. Well, the friendship might have just come to an end. Not so much was it her decision, but more mine as I cannot accept her way of life. Not that she had a terrible life, but it is her decision making abilities...or lack of...which will ultimately bring upon her downfall. Yet, time after time, I've tried to be a caring friend and guide her towards the right direction. She'd listen to me, but wouldn't take my advice, even though it was towards positivity.
You see, she'd prefer life at a standstill and not move forward with life. Even with certain situations — responsibilities as she calls them — which she cannot escape, she knows in the back of her mind that she can...only if she puts her mind to it. At the same time she professes her adoration, but doesn't want to face it because she fears the unknown. She doesn't take risks or chances, rather focusing on whatever happens, will happen.
In her words, she'd rather be in a shitty place than be alone.
I just can't accept that. Which is why I'm moving on. It's a difference of opinion. As much as I care about her, I can no longer care about her.
Lesson learned: don't make someone a priority when they only consider you an option. | | |
| I had an argument with a friend today. The subject: how being friends with her was possibly the most challenging friendship I've ever had. Why? Because she has a possessive and paranoid significant other who doesn't like her to have friends of the opposite sex. Reasoning: he thinks that all guys are all out for one thing, sex. But that's besides the point. The discussion had turned when I said there are some friendships that had no restrictions, where we'd be for each other no matter what, through thick and thin. She didn't believe that, stating that all her friendships had restrictions. Her definition of restrictions were that every individual had their own personal lives to lead, and that no person can truly be there for you 24/7. People can be there for you in spirit, but can't truly be there all the time; it's something that's experienced by all of her "friends." My retort to her words basically stated that what she's said isn't natural, and that there are friends out there who do care and are devoted to the friendship, and will be there physically and mentally for you whenever you need them. That they'll be there unconditionally. There are a few friends I know of back home who are like that, and I'm blessed to have them. Through thick and thin, if I ever needed to talk to them over coffee at 3 a.m. or there to save you when you're not physically capable of continuing on with things, they've always been there. And yes, these friends have included members of the opposite sex. Some of which, do have significant others, who don't have a problem that they have guy friend. I don't know what kind of friends she has, but my friends are confident, caring and unconditional. You know who you are. In my mind, I'm starting to question whether this friendship is all worth it in the end. Because I'm one of those possibly rare individuals who care about their loved ones, and that includes friends, and will be there for them no matter what, at all times during the day for as long as I live. But when it comes to times when I'm down in the dumps, who do I really have to turn to down here? Sure, a phone call can be made, but in times when a hug is just needed, I'll be denied that because of a jealous rage who can't nut up the confidence to believe that his significant other is just tending to a friend, and nothing more. Maybe it's just me, but I do believe that everyone (even if you're in a relationship or married), are still individuals and can lead independence and make their own decisions in life. I don't know what primitive world she may live in, but in my world, there can be friends (and again, particularly those of the opposite sex), that will be there, unconditionally. If you truly care, you'll say you'll be there. "If you, put two and two together/you will see what our friendship is for/If you can't work this equation then/I'll guess I'll have to show you the door. I'm giving you everything/all that joy can bring this I swear/And all that I want from you is a promise you will be there." | | |
| I'm slowly starting to put together a portfolio of my pictures and I've organized them on Flickr. If you want to take a gander the link is below: http://www.flickr.com/photos/egc873/ | | |
| Just in case you've forgotten just who the hell I am ... this blog entry will serve as a reintroduction to my twisted life.My name is Ed and I'm a reporter for a weekly community newspaper in the Niagara Region. Originally from Toronto, I now call St. Catharines my hometown. In my (very rare) spare time, I practice photography and crash on my couch. I'm 26 years old, and like possibly a lot of people at this age, might be at a crossroads in life ... and I'm only in my mid 20s. Why I haven't been blogging for months is simple: since March, I've been put in charge of my own newspaper, covering a lovely, yet often controversial and tough town. Every week, I'm a one man show, living out of my car while travelling far to interview, take pictures and produce articles about that community. I often rack up 60 hour weeks and get paid for 40, while slowly losing my marbles due to stress. Since the paper has started, I have lost 10 pounds from my physical frame, sustained numerous injuries while on the job (long story), had my heart pissed on, lost my hero, became dependent on take out food and lots of alcohol, and live life as a hermit. The job has warn me down I'm slowly becoming a shell of my former self. I find myself increasingly irritated with life. The stress has bestowed an "edge," an attitude on me where I'm jaded and cynical. Oh, but wait, Ed's always been like that you say. True, but it's more apparent now. I can be nice, but I won't be afraid to tear a new ***hole into you when I have to. While I'm trapped in this bubble, the world around me is changing constantly. Friends are getting married, having children and generally having a wonderful life. Everyone has evolved and self-indulged in their own spectrum that it's hard to communicate with them anymore. As we all head towards the 30s, life will just become more self-centered, which is the norm. Although there's a lot of negatives which surround my life, there are a lot of positives as well. Somehow, I think photography might be a new calling. I've been shadowing a local photographer, who's become my friend, and participated in shooting a few weddings, which was a lot of fun. I'm slowly building up my photography portfolio, and hopefully will be able to present something for you to see online on Flickr. I don't know how many people still read or write blogs. Since I've stopped I've noticed a lot of friends slowly disassociate themselves with the online world either because life has been busy or there are things about their personal lives that should remain just that, personal and private. I've always cherished online publishing, therefore I'll never neglect it fully. But, at the same time, there are parts of my life that shall remain that way as well. If you just want to know, just ask. I hope this catches you up to speed with the bubble that's known as my vein existence. When I have more meaningful things to say, I'll be sure to update you. Until then, cheers. | | |
| Many have been asking why there haven't been any new entries in my blog for the past month. To be honest, since the new paper started eight weeks ago, I haven't had time to even breathe for myself. It's come to the point where my job consumes my every waking moment and when I get home, all I want to do is eat, clean up, sleep and maybe in between all that, catch something on the idiot box. In other words, I try and live a normal life. Although I spend quite a bit of my time on the Internet (as Facebook can attest to that), I really can't think of anything creative to write about in this space. I'm sure no one wants to hear about my repetitive daily life. Plus, I now have to write a weekly column in the paper and all my attention is devoted to that usually, which can be creatively draining at times. The heart and soul which once went into this blog has turned towards that column. Maybe from time to time I'll poke my head in hear and write something to get off my chest, but with a demanding career in journalism, I find it even tougher just to keep in touch with a lot of you. So, yes, as this blog entry proves, I'm indeed still alive. I'm just wishing I had more time to write my thoughts out. Okay, back to work... | | |
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